Thresholds

The other day I watched a little girl struggle to open a heavy door at Blue Barn restaurant.  Her father kept offering to help until finally she allowed it, and when the door opened, she closed it, and went for it again.  Finally, together they again opened the door, and entered the space, but she wasn’t finished.  She turned around and pushed from the other side.

My grandson likes to be the one to open the door to their home when we arrive.  We knock and wait, as we hear scurrying and discussion inside. Perhaps it is the energetic feel of the movement of the heavy door, the power involved, or something about inside and outside, but I find it intriguing to consider how I might pause before I open and close each door. How do I transition each precious breath?

This is the first, wildest and wisest thing I know, that the soul exists, and that it is built entirely out of attentiveness.

– Mary Oliver

Bliss in meeting water, land, air – wholeness in reception

Imagination

Yesterday my four year old grandson set a towel on the grass and invited me to sit on the boat.  Another towel was the “cabin”.  He then carried a plate of hard-boiled and colored Easter eggs outside to place inside our cabin.  

Ebi, the dog, was allowed to join us on the boat.  I was pretending to steer but unsatisfied with our navigational progress, he dragged his sit-on digger/excavator over, placed it in front of the towel, and sitting on it, began to steer the boat. Some plastic fish were thrown into the “water” for us to catch.  He informed me he needs a haircut so he’s sleeker in the water for scuba-diving.  He then “dove” into the water for that.  When I returned home, I reflected on it all.  What might I create with what’s here?

Robin Hood with a Unicorn Horn Magic Wand
No matter how many Easter eggs and toys abound, there’s nothing to equal a stick!

Sanctity

Because I’m aware each moment could be my last, I set intention for mindfulness, which is quite a task.  I keep looking for reminders to reinforce my focus on presence, even though I know this is about knowing enough, and not needing to “seek” because all is here.

I’d been following the search for Caroline Meister, a 30 year old member of the Tassajara community.  After an exhaustive search that included Search and Rescue teams, she was found.  She’d fallen by a waterfall on a solitary hike, and hitting her head, died.

I read that a few days before she disappeared, a friend asked her, “What would you do if you knew you only had 48 hours to live?” 

Her response, “I’d go for a long hike alone in nature.”

Each life, a gathering and falling apart

Covenant

Yesterday I walked with a friend to the beach at Tennessee Valley.  Though I was there ten days ago, it was completely different.  Part of it was the light, filtered through a cold wind, but, also, despite rain, the creek had slowed, and it was possible to cross without taking off one’s shoes.   

Also, the willows had filled in and the landscape was denser with plants.  We didn’t see a bobcat but we did see a long, brown snake slithering into the path for warmth from the sun.

Snake paused when we paused so I saw he was harmless with his thin neck and sliver of a tail.  I was reminded of Stanley Kunitz’s wonderful poem “The Snakes of September”.  He writes of hearing snakes in the shrubbery all summer long, but then with autumn’s chill, he sees two of them, “dangling head-down entwined in a brazen love-knot”. The poem continues:

I put out my hand and stroke

the fine dry grit of their skins.

After all, 

we are partners in this land,

co-signers of a covenant.

At my touch the wild

braid of creation

trembles.

Tennessee Valley yesterday

Seasons

Last night I watched the Worm full moon as it began to eclipse, and then, this morning there it was, a full disk shining through the trees. In two weeks, we’ll see a solar eclipse, and meanwhile the increasing light is beckoning buds to emerge, and birds to mate and nest.

Alan Watts:

You are something not that comes into the world, but comes out of it – in the same way as a flower comes out of a plant, or a fruit comes out of a tree. You are an expression.

Reflect and Flow

Camellia bursts forth
Blending
Leaning In
So many places to rest, texture, and flow.

Embraced

We live, immersed, held.  I’m listening to meditations with Sam Harris.  He suggests we have no free will.  There is trust in entering the ocean of waves knowing suspension and whirling as air flows in and out.

Surfers floating up and down on waves seen and unseen
A fisherman waits for a fish as a stream drops to sand and sea.
Navigating earth and sea
A rock holds a stance in change
Surfers in the embrace we share.

Spring

The news is so depressing on many fronts that sometimes I wonder what to post and then I read these words of Emily Dickinson and feel inside, and go outside.

Life is a spell so exquisite that everything conspires to break it.

I’m up in the night with a moon almost full, and a huge circle around her. The Pittosporum are blooming offering scent to a magical world.

Montara State Beach today
Ocean, Sand, and Bluff
A Welcome
Surfer climbing back up a steep path

Grace

On Friday, I walked Tennessee Valley with a friend.  We saw a bobcat on our way to the beach, and a Great Blue Heron on the way back.  The bobcat reminded me of my cat Tiger, just as friendly and playful.  We watched the bobcat hop for and trap lunch, and the heron catch a fish.

I’m with this Australian Aboriginal proverb:

We are all visitors to this time, this place. We are just passing through. Our purpose here is to observe, to learn, to grow, to love… and then we return home.

First sighting of the bobcat
Exploring without fear
The Catch
First Ocean View
Canadian Geese come in for a landing
Freighter, Geese, Rocks, Water, Sand
Great Blue Heron in a landscape of abundance
Ginger bows to, and communes with, the Buddha.

Memories

Yesterday, I was thrilled to receive a new laptop computer.  My son said it should last me ten years.  I thought then this could be my last computer, a rather sobering thought, and then I wondered what the world will be like in ten years.

A few years ago in a Sensory Awareness workshop, an elderly woman said she felt the past like the force of gravity, supporting her.  A discussion ensued as to whether for the young, the future is a force like gravity pulling them forward.  Perhaps the mid-life crisis is that place between, a place of balance and choice, an awakened urgency drawing us to pause, reflect, create and absorb.  

Today I feel like I’m balanced in the center of a teeter-totter, arms spread in honoring the joy that is life continuing at my age.  It rained in the night and now the sun is a light in the clouds.  It feels like a torch, an Olympic torch that lights the games we play as we honor individuality, cooperation, and the spirit that unites family as team. 

I went through photos last night. Here’s a taste of the past, a wee taste.

My younger cousin Lynn and me in CT for my younger brother’s memorial. Lynn passed away last August from pancreatic cancer. And here I still am!
I look up happy to be with my niece Tarik. October, 2015
In Helsinki, 350 feet underground – a mystical, magical place.
Above Rudesheim am Rhein
Slide Ranch
Face of an Orchid
Honoring
A neighbor’s yard
Blessings of Time

Life and Death

I’m in a group where we’re studying Satipatthana meditation.  This module has been on death, so inhaling as though this is our last breath and exhaling into rest.  It’s very useful when the temperature of anger arises, to consider what if this is my last breath, and feel a cooling down.  It’s a practice, so of course, not always an immediate response.  Some of us struggle with attachment to self-righteousness.

Yesterday’s discussion led to dying with dignity and the importance of an advance medical directive.  We have our medical directives, but learning about Five Wishes, I see there is more that might be conveyed as to our wishes, my husband and mine.

https://www.fivewishes.org

I just read Kara Swisher’s book, Burn Book: A Tech Love Story.  I recommend it because I think it’s important to know the history of what most of us use every day, and many times a day.  It’s shocking to realize how quickly we’ve gone from typewriters to word processing to such a full and compelling integration of the internet.  It’s not a dry read as she gives an intimate, and often cynical look at the players.  Nero may have gone down in history as watching Rome burn, but some like Zuckerberg and the devolving Musk may be aiming for a three-way tie. There are good guys too, like Steve Jobs and Apple.

With all of this, I’m with the last lines of Thich Nhat Hanh’s translation of the Five Remembrances.

My actions are my only true belongings.
I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.
My actions are the ground on which I stand.

The moving and revitalizing ground
Hard and Soft
We live and die in, and as, a Melange