I have some idea that I’ll share as I did in the last blog post and then move on. When my daughter-in-love Frieda called to console, I quickly moved the conversation back to her, and she just as quickly took it back to me. She’s clever, that girl/woman, a female embodiment of love and compassion, a wisdom gong, as is my other daughter-in-love, Jan.
I rejoice in the grace of wisdom gongs in my life.
Sometimes I find it hard to receive and yet here you are, all of you, so many beautiful messages and offers of support and I feel myself broken apart, as though if I let the bedrock go, the mountain that rises from that bedrock will break it into little pieces and the pain will be less. Is there less pain, or more, when a mountain lets go and little rocks fall and flow, perhaps gathering with avalanche strength and force?
And now I learn that Notre Dame, Our Lady, has burned.
I pause, caught on, and in, the elements today, broken apart – earth, air fire, water.
Yesterday I was above the waves as I sat on the ground at Pierce Point. I watched, mesmerized, as the waves below seemed to be moving slowly and methodically, their white tops clearly defined. Sitting above, I saw an orchestrated rhythm. If I’d been on the beach below, the waves might have seemed random, and violent perhaps, as they blew apart with a crash.
Sitting above, my whole being slowed to the pace of viewing from a distance, a distance stretching time to a curve, a healing to embrace.
And now, today I am earth, crumbling, and fire, passion, perhaps at first, as I had to mobilize to align, and now today, ashes as the structure of my being sinks to change. I woke this morning feeling my face malleable as if it was curious to found and birth new form. I could view it as death to the old but transformation has a more inviting bite and taste.
I’ve recently learned that some people choose to have ashes from those they love mixed into the ink of a tattoo. I don’t need to do that. My being is opened and opening to receive the ashes of my brother, the essence, as I integrate a wider being of knowing, reception, and trust. Though painful, I rejoice in new form. I am a leaf unleashed.
I was away from my home four days this week, and never looked outside on the fifth, and yesterday, I saw that my Maple trees had released themselves into full leaf, now weighted with morning rain.