I wake this morning realizing I’ve felt nauseous ever since my brother passed.  I suppose it’s like that first three months of pregnancy, adjusting to a new way of being.  Of course, there we carry a little being, but maybe here we do too. I think we carry a part of their essence, carry and integrate all the ways we’ve been touched. We carry memories of ancestry.  My mother and father are here too. Somehow I feel them all gathered together as at a party looking down at me laughing as worry, anger, and fear must seem rather funny when one is released from the restrictions of a body, of emotion caught and shaken with intention to tame.  

My brother’s ashes are heavy.  We scattered half and I have half here, and I carry them around wondering at their weight, as he was so thin when he passed, though because of his height he was still 190 pounds, but I don’t think of ashes as having weight and yet these do.

No wonder all my cells feel as though they’re carrying little umbrellas to deal with the moistness pouring through.

On another note, the book, “Airing Out the Fairy Tale” is up on Amazon.  I haven’t yet seen a copy from that source, so now I’m wearing my worry hat, fearing it’s not quite right.  I already found one mistake I’d completely missed, and so it is. I believe in wabi-sabi, the philosophy that you sweep the walkway clean, and then shake the tree to drop some leaves.

It’s about the acceptance of transience and imperfection, and that acceptance is not one of my given traits, but I’m working with it, step by step, knowing there is no perfection, only how we meet what comes, and that coming is always changing as are we.  My intention for today is to be calm peace.

I’ll see how long that lasts.  

Blessings for all as I contemplate the frog, an amphibian. The word comes from the Greek and means “both lives”, as frogs are born in water and most live on land.  I’m feeling that now, feeling transition as I birth new legs and a deeper accommodation of voice which is the vibration we cultivate to share.

My mother gave me this frog years ago and still he greets all who enter our garden, says enter tranquillity and peace.

4 thoughts on “Day 27: Wabi-sabi

  1. You are “perfectly imperfect” 😉 and that is all that is required of us from that magnificent and mysterious Source Of Love in the universe we call home. Looking forward to reading your Tale. May your Mother’s Day be also perfectly imperfect and filled with lovely and silly memories. xxoo

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    1. Smiling, yes!! I am happy to be “perfectly imperfect”. Thank you and may your Mother’s Day be the same and filled with lovely and silly memories. I’ve laughed more than ever this last month, so I’ve balanced the tears, and all of it is a home woven within the Source of Love. Yes! xoxo

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  2. The frog is cousins with the buddha frog! Or perhaps your mother has transformed into her buddha nature…

    I had no idea that ashes are heavy! Lulu’s ashes were not heavy but she was 8 pounds!!!

    I am noticing, thru your writing and mine, the fleeting nature of feelings. I read your emaile to me before reading this blog post. In my email you are peaceful and reflecting on Gar’s passing and presence. In this blogpost you are sharing the nauseating nature of his passing. Same same.

    And we change. And we touch back into parts of ourselves. And we change again.

    We are on the same wavelength: )

    Love,

    Elaine

    >

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    1. Elaine, Oh, my, yes, two frogs. I like frogs. I have a third one in my yard, also a gift from my mother. She liked frogs too.

      My mother’s ashes were light and like talcum powder so I’ve been surprised at the heaviness of Gar’s ashes. Of course she probably weighed about 80 pounds at the time of her passing.

      Yes, I go back and forth, and yes, same-same, and yes, I go from nausea to peace, though sometimes there is peace in the nausea. Yes!

      And “And we change. And we touch back into parts of ourselves. And we change again.” Yes!! Thank you Elaine! Sitting now, allowing fluidity and change, somewhat. I’m smiling. There is something humorous in it all!

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