My sensory awareness group met today. As I settled into myself and felt the support of the floor and the chair, a tear came and rolled down my cheek. My throat felt tight and scratchy and I began to cough. Grief extended into my heart and down to my feet.
I shared that I was experiencing a visceral feeling of grief from my brother’s death on April 14th. I had hoped I’d moved on.
Later, a woman who’d just completed a workshop at Spirit Rock on death, dying and aging asked if I thought what I was feeling related “just” to my brother’s death. I knew that it was more than that. She suggested that my feelings related to impermanence.
I could feel how true that was.
Later we worked with flexibility using partly inflated balls. I felt my holding and inflexibility. I was trying to hold a stance of strength. I felt the work of holding back tears, what it does to my legs, neck, and spine.
What I learned today is that flexibility and impermanence relate and when I can honor the waves of both, float a little more openly on the natural movement I am, I can breathe, and tears may come, but in and through the tears there are waves, and released, I breathe, and am breathed.
Allowing immersion in impermanence, I hold both joy and sorrow, no dividing, and there I celebrate the wonder of being alive. Vitality is my wand and spring when I honor that impermanence is the ocean and land we share. There’s nothing to do and nowhere to go. I’m here.
2 thoughts on “Impermanence”
Beautiful reflections, Cathy.
I am reading Brad Laughlin’s new book Living with Enlightenment. So far it says everything I know to be true on a Spirit level… https://www.google.com/search?q=brad+laughlin+living+with+enlightenment&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari#imgrc=g10boclcp5P3MM:
I was thinking of recommending the newest book on Donaldina Cameron to your book club. It is well researched and is fascinating in light of immigration issues, and what causes a person to step out. It is by Julia Siler: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2019/06/21/books/review/julia-siler-white-devils-daughters-saving-girls-from-sexual-slavery-in-san-franciscos-chinatown.amp.html
Your experiments with grief and holding and impermanence are tender and essential…
Elaine, Thank you. I will look for Brad’s book. I have been thinking of the Donaldina Cameron book for my book group also. Great idea! Yes, tender and essential, not always easy, and yes, yes, yes. Thank you! Love, Love, Love, yes!!