This morning, eyes moist with tears, I consider different types of tears. Today’s tears feel sweet, like dew drops, acknowledgment of connection between earth and sky, and the vulnerability that is Love.
I spent over seven hours yesterday with a friend along the shoreline at Point Isabel dog park. In my usual way, I arrived early to sit with a latte and watch dogs bounce and play, ears flopping, tails wagging. It’s a happy place.
My friend and I walked and talked, sat and ate, walked and talked.
The subject was grief. She feels I’m not “over” grieving my brother’s death, which leads to false valor perhaps, my words, not hers, though she did mention, a shield.
We talked about my book Airing Out the Fairy Tale. She knew me then, but didn’t know the thrill I felt when I bicycled in New Mexico, speeding down one hill in the early morning light, shouting and singing out, “I feel good, I knew that I would now, so good, so good,” and though James Brown says it’s because he’s got “you”, I think in that moment, it was a full embrace of who I am. I was invulnerable in that moment, one with my bike and nature, love and the world. I felt free, and she knew that place, and we both understood.
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed at times, a word I’m hearing and feeling more and more. I think now of the words of William Wordsworth.
The world is too much with us; late and soon, getting and spending, we lay waste our powers: Little we see in Nature that is ours.
And yet here we are: Nature, Power, Love.
If you live in the Bay area, Point Isabel is a lovely place to be, walk, and enjoy a bowl of chili. A dog is not required, though my friend has two who love to snuggle and warm the feet.
Unusual for me these days, I took no pictures. The view is never still. When I arrived, there was an enclosure of fog that cleared bit by bit, so there was Mount Tam, the bay, and then, the city of San Francisco. I felt the movement reflected inside, the movement of fog, fear, love, grief.
And now my husband sends me this column by George Will.
My neighborhood book group discussed The Nickel Boys on Tuesday night. What can one say?
And yet I feel a need to balance vulnerability and invulnerability as I honor courage, the force of the heart. I trust in making my way.