Last night I went to bed early. I was with the words of William Wordsworth: The world is too much with us, which is odd because we’re also in isolation so are given an opportunity for inner exploration, or so it might seem but my thoughts are greatly tied with the world these days. We need to know what’s going on. What are the “rules” of the day because where I live they change day to day. Now, this day, I can bring a reusable bag to the store if I leave it in the cart and bag my groceries myself.
A friend found a lump in her breast. She needs to go to her appointment alone because of the virus.
I have the image of an astronaut tethered to the International Space Station. We’re alone in one way but tethered in another.
In my dreams, people wear masks though I woke from one this morning where we were all walking around unmasked and there were children and I was ordering food in a restaurant. I remember I used to enjoy sitting on a bench at a park watching children play. The playgrounds are closed. I feel confused. I think that’s why tears come so easily these days. I believe tears are liquid love so I melt in knowing they come from swinging on understanding and adapting moment to moment to an inner exploration I share.
Today I swing my tears like incense in a censer or thurible to the words of my teacher of Sensory Awareness, Charlotte Selver:
There is no room any more for holding back or being lukewarm or protecting against something which may not exist at all now. And in case we actually need to protect ourselves now, we can do it openly. We can protect ourselves in freedom instead of carrying all this constriction which pretends to protect us.