The sun is shining in Shelton, CT for the first time it seems since my brother passed thirty-five days ago. The rehearsal dinner we attended last night was beautiful and now today a wedding but first, we’ll meet with Jan, my brother’s wife. The intention had been that we’d meet with her and my brother but now it is just her and so we balance life and death, love and its accompaniment, as the more we love, the more deeply we are carved, formed, birthed, and fertilized by pain, and yes, we mix our metaphors because we are abundant with our evolving maze of curves.
Yesterday I read Mingyur Rinpoche’s discovery when he recovered from a near-death experience. When you love, the world loves you back. His book comforts me as I feel my brother here in a way I don’t need to comprehend. I only need to know that he is the butterfly and I the caterpillar, and one day I, too, will fill out my wings.