Forming the Light in Our World

Today I’m with how each of us leads our lives.  What guides us?   How do we step in and out of our own skin and circulatory system as we exchange in a world seemingly diverse but within, perhaps the same, though guided by how we squeeze muscle, bone, and fluid?

I’ve been working with my eyes and eyelids, with how I open and close my eyes, how quickly, how long.  Do I press on the eye with the lid or allow layers and layers like in phyllo dough to float apart like fluffs of cottony clouds on a sunny day?

Do I meet my eyeballs with thunderclouds or with soft springs rising from underground?

For me as I continue to mainly shelter-in-place, honoring isolation, this is a time to go within, to feel, honor, and sense the rhythms of this being I am, moment by moment.  Who am I, and what am I now, and now, and now?

What leads me in equanimity today?

A friend shares that she was sitting in a park when a man walked by holding a turtle.  He stopped to explain that 14 year old Shelley likes to be carried to the park to play in the grass each day.  

One might ask how he knows this.  Clearly, he’s honed his listening skills, attuned his ability to receive the needs and requests of another.

Events like this make up our day.  

I’m now in a “pod” of safety with my ten month old grandson so Wednesday is my day to be with him.  Yesterday we were in his front yard when the garbage truck rumbled by.  What a thrill!   Grandson waved and the man in the truck waved back. 

Later, a woman walked by and seeing a curious baby stopped to ask his age, and then said, “I love you.”  He can’t say the words but he knows what they mean.  He waved his arms. I’ve been teaching him sigh language for I love you, so he knows there is a bodily response. I said to her, this beautiful woman, “I love you too.”

Moments like this make up a day.   

I love you!  Words that light the world when spoken, written, or signed.

Allowing

Yesterday I curled into the fetal position and allowed myself to feel fear.  When I uncurled, I lay on my stomach allowing my lungs to rest.

I had things to do so bustled about, but then when all calmed, I lay myself down and fell asleep to wake with ease.  

Sometimes we need to feel, allow, sleep.

This advice comes from Garrison Keillor’s column today.

Revolutionaries get into bitter feuds with fellow radicals and wind up in jail or exile, embittered by a long string of betrayals. Meanwhile, billionaires live in fear of losing the mansion and the grounds, the heated pool, the staff at the ready to satisfy your every whim, if only you had a whim, but billionaires don’t have time for whimsy. It’s a hard life on both sides of the battle. So skip it. Just declare victory and go live your life.

School can’t teach you to be independent so teach yourself. If you can be happy alone, then you’ve got a good start. Try sitting in a boat on water with nobody else around, or sit in the yard the morning after a rain, or walk in the woods at dusk. Fall is coming, when the world is gorgeous to all of the senses. Let your soul breathe; experience buoyancy without spending money. Once you learn to be good company for yourself, you’ve achieved the revolution and earned a fortune. Then you can go on to the next step, which is coming in out of the rain, and lying down in the bed you have made.

My yard this morning

How We Meet the World

Today in sensing I was making sounds, humming sounds, feeling where they come from and how they form.  I noticed vibration in my throat, then, down into my heart, and then all the way into and through my feet into the ground.

It was a revelation. Sounds I make vibrate not just into the air, but also into the ground.  I could feel the resonance as though I was a bell struck, still ringing and sending my sounds into the air and earth.

What power and need for care.

Thich Nhat Hanh says: “Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.”

I say talk the same way.  Our words and thoughts meet the earth, and we can choose to meet the earth within ourselves and the earth under our feet with kisses that caress and spread.

Vibrate like the summer scent of Basil, ripe and sweet

Art

The fog rolled in last night.  That should help with fighting fires and dampening down the smoke.  Yesterday I had errands to do, just two, but that little time outside allowed the smoke to affect my heart and lungs.  I could feel it, perhaps exasperated by the lies coming from the RNC.  

I try to understand.  I want to understand but I’m flabbergasted.   

Ruth Asawa worked to bring art into the schools.  She knew what it meant to have artists teaching her when she was young.  We share our gifts.  Perhaps that sharing was part of her resilience and untiring energy to feed, help, and inspire others.  

Perhaps it’s for each of us to create art each day, to draw flowers in our hearts, and sprinkle nosegays in our lungs.  It is to know the world is beautiful with or without smoke.

We are being tested in a variety of ways and it is to see how creativity and imagination can spark and soothe, open and connect the patterns and relationships in each day.  

Here’s a taste of Ruth. “Bucky” is Buckminster Fuller.

Angels in Our Midst

Today two men delivered our washing machine, one Hispanic and one Black, both young. Our old washer had served faithfully for 25 years but after two repairs in the last month with another problem exposed, we decided to move along.

When I said to the Black man who was installing it that this one would last our lifetime as we were “old”, he said, “not old; the Soul is young.” He went on to speak of what his father and grandfather said about life being a blessing and we’re here to learn and then we move on. I felt blessed as I sat distanced from him and listened as though I were in a temple, mosque, or church, which is interesting because since we cleaned out our garage, and I bought new rugs for the entry, and plan to hang some paintings, each time I go in and out, I feel it as sacred, and say to myself, “Holy, Holy, Holy”. The words come rising up from belly and heart because yes, all is Holy and we live amidst the Angels, right here, right now, so stroke the Angel in you, so blessed to be alive and caressed.

The word of the day, for me, has moved, though still embraced, from resilience to connection to empathy. Michelle Obama spoke of empathy in her speech at the DNC, and I’m hearing it over and over. Have empathy for ourselves, and all that’s here in this world we share.

We’re still encased in smoke, and today I read to video all the rooms in our home, video all we have. What I see in all of this is how much I value what is here, all I’ve collected and been given, and what matters is the people and animals in my life. I may have to walk away from it all, and in many ways, that’s always true.

I open a journal of quotes from Charlotte Selver, my first teacher of Sensory Awareness.

“Is it possible that we could feel more deeply and fully what we happen to do at the moment, and allow our fuller contact with it? So that not the past and not the future and not the anger about what happened two minutes ago or ten years ago stands in our way and holds us back – but we are all there for what is now.”

And yet I reach back for photos as today the sky is gray with smoke and ash.

The morning sky the other day – today is gray with smoke –
This photo of the sky from the other day reminds me of Monet

The Line


Cooling breezes blew in yesterday and in this moment, where I live, all is calm.  We’re told another storm comes which could bring lightning leading to more fires.  It’s been unsettling, and yet, I’m reading Marilyn Chase’s book, Everything She Touched
.  It’s about Ruth Asawa, an amazing sculptor and woman.  Seeing her work at the De Young in San Francisco I’ve been enchanted, but now I know more of what created this woman and her art.

When Pearl Harbor was bombed, her parents, farmers in the U.S. but immigrants from Japan, were separated. Her father was taken away and interrogated as a spy. The other members of the family were taken from CA and interned at the Rohwer Relocation Center in Arkansas. 

Ruth’s response: “I hold no hostilities for what happened; I blame no one. Sometimes good comes through adversity. I would not be who I am today had it not been for the internment, and I like who I am.

She had an amazing array of teachers but what most stays with me is that she used wire for her sculptures. When one considers how she was confined by barbed wire that surrounded the concentration camp, and how she then turned it into art, well, to use a cliche, she turned lemons into lemonade.

She learned the wire-crocheting technique she used while on a field trip in Toluca, Mexico, where villagers used a similar technique to make baskets from galvanized wire. She said:

“I was interested in it because of the economy of a line, making something in space, enclosing it without blocking it out. It’s still transparent. I realized that if I was going to make these forms, which interlock and interweave, it can only be done with a line because a line can go anywhere.

“A line can go anywhere.”  

I’m reminded of Annie Dillard’s words from her book The Writing Life.  She’s writing about a stunt pilot Dave Rahm who died during a performance. 

The air show announcer hushed. He had been squawking all day, and now he quit. The crowd stilled. Even the children watched dumbstruck as the slow, black biplane buzzed its way around the air. Rahm made beauty with his whole body; it was pure pattern, and you could watch it happen. The plane moved every way a line can move, and it controlled three dimensions, so the line carved massive and subtle slits in the air like sculptures. The plane looped the loop, seeming to arch its back like a gymnast; it stalled, dropped, and spun out of it climbing; it spiraled and knifed west on one side’s wings and back east on another; it turned cartwheels, which must be physically impossible; it played with its own line like a cat with yarn. How did the pilot know where in the air he was? If he got lost, the ground would swat him.

Rahm did everything his plane could do: tailspins, four-point rolls, flat spins, figure 8’s, snap rolls, and hammerheads. He did pirouettes on the plane’s tail. The other pilots could do these stunts, too, skillfully, one at a time. But Rahm used the plane inexhaustibly, like a brush marking thin air.

His was pure energy and naked spirit. I have thought about it for years. Rahm’s line unrolled in time. Like music, it split the bulging rim of the future along its seam. It pried out the present. We watchers waited for the split-second curve of beauty in the present to reveal itself. The human pilot, Dave Rahm, worked in the cockpit right at the plane’s nose; his very body tore into the future for us and reeled it down upon us like a curling peel. 

Like any fine artist, he controlled the tension of the audience’s longing. You desired, unwittingly, a certain kind of roll or climb, or a return to a certain portion of the air, and he fulfilled your hope slantingly, like a poet, or evaded it until you thought you would burst, and then fulfilled it surprisingly, so you gasped and cried out. 

The oddest, most exhilarating and exhausting thing was this: he never quit. The music had no periods, no rests or endings; the poetry’s beautiful sentence never ended; the line had no finish; the sculptured forms piled overhead, one into another without surcease. Who could breathe, in a world where rhythm itself had no periods?

She continues: 

“Purity does not lie in separation from but in deeper penetration into the universe,” Teilhard de Chardin wrote. It is hard to imagine a deeper penetration into the universe than Rahm’s last dive in his plane, or than his inexpressible wordless selfless line’s inscribing the air and dissolving. Any other art may be permanent. I cannot recall one Rahm sequence. He improvised. If Christo wraps a building or dyes a harbor, we join his poignant and fierce awareness that the work will be gone in days. Rahm’s plane shed a ribbon in space, a ribbon whose end unraveled in memory while its beginning unfurled as surprise. He may have acknowledged that what he did could be called art, but it would have been, I think, only in the common misusage, which holds art to be the last extreme of skill. Rahm rode the point of the line to the possible; he discovered it and wound it down to show. He made his dazzling probe on the run. “The world is filled, and filled with the Absolute,” Teilhard de Chardin wrote. “To see this is to be made free.”

The Soil Sponge

My friend Terry is currently evacuated from her home in Loma Mar.  Another is evacuated from her home in Guerneville.  What can be done?

Terry works with the microorganisms in the soil.  Years ago, she was on a Vision Quest and the message she received was that her work is to speak for those who don’t have voices we understand. She’s been doing that ever since.  

This morning she tells me to Google Walter Jenhe so I do.  I share a three minute taste of him and his message which moves into a two hour one.  I’m only part-way through that.

Terry says: Our job as humans is to understand the systems that make the earth habitable.  A big one is the water cycle.  The water cycle is created and kept in balance by plants and the microbial community supporting the plants.  The microbial community is part of the plants digestive and immune system. Just like us.   Cutting the forest turns us to desertification which means worse conditions for life on earth.   We have ignored the services the natural world provides.  We need to understand and work with it.  The earth needs healing from our neglect and it can be done.  We just need to trust, educate and support.

This is a labor of love for humanity.  Much better than war.  Let’s put all our resources towards rebuilding and maintaining a natural ecosystem.  We are one with nature.

On day 27 of my time with Adyashanti, I’m advised to seek to understand before I seek to be understood.

Today I listen to the earth, the earth within, and the earth on which I live. I seek to understand.

Visualize space within ourselves and within the soil.

Inspiration

I spent yesterday with my grandson.  Enchanted, I simply watch and interact as his almost ten month old self continues to discover and manipulate the world.  As I drove down to his home, there was smoke the whole way and yet a little pocket of clear air where he lives so we were outside exploring together.

I listen to the speeches from yesterday, inspired.  

This morning I listen to the governor of New Mexico Michelle Lujan Grisham. I’m grateful for how powerfully she brings the issue of climate change and the essential importance of caring for our planet into the convention. 

Here she is:

Art

Why do we make art?   What opens in us?

Years ago, I painted my heart on silk.  I couldn’t stop.  I cut some into hearts, pocket hearts, and framed others in hoops and covered the walls.  Recently I let most of them go as I felt it’s important to live and show my heart, the real beat of what pumps my living in and out.  

Yesterday I was going through images of my grandson, now almost ten months old.  I saw his heart beating on the sonogram as he was still in the womb.  My heart pumped in rhythm to his, resonant as he was enclosed in the beat of another.  Perhaps we always are when we pause to feel how we’re held.

That morning I participated in a Sensory Awareness workshop on Zoom, each of us in our own homes where Michael Atkinson had asked us to gather and come with three objects, a scarf or bandana, a rock we could hold in our hand, and a bowl or vase.

First, we lined our three objects up, and then, we worked with them as he offered invitations.  I could feel when my objects were just right in that moment, representative of how I felt.  They were in the womb of the beat of my heart.

At first I placed the rock in the bowl, and wrapped the scarf around  it.  I felt how all was embraced, embraced in my heart.

Then we hid one object.  I was surprised when I set the bowl on the rock and it stayed, balanced on what did not appear to be a flat surface.  

I placed the scarf inside.

All of it was Art, each moment, Art!

I balance, embraced!